Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
