My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
