I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
