happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
