Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
