i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
