who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
