I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
