she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
