woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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