Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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