Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
