i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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