The best revenge is premature balding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
