i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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