just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
