I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
