Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
