My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
