She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize