So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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