every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All I want is dick and wine.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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