i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He shit in the fireplace
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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