i don't like sucking hair
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
