its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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