She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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