I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
