I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
