You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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