look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
