Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
