his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
