We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
