Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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