so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
