I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
