In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He felt like a one man threesome
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
