please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize