I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
