The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
