she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
