I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
