I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize