Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
