my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
