I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
