would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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