So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
