i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
