Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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