I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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