My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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