Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
