I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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