apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
