trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
