so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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