stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize