I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think my moral compass just broke
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