I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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