Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize