You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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