I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
