u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
