Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
