Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
