We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
